Like Frances Mayes, portrayed by Diane Lane, the main character in Under The Tuscan Sun, I have people or situations in my life that express my heart’s desires, even if not in the way I had hoped or expected.  I’m not living the life I want, but aspects have manifested.  I am a singer and an actor – and I’m good at them.  In young dreams, my passions provided me a living wage, but that’s not reality, or at least not yet.  But time is passing, and my window of opportunity is closing.

A guy friend of mine is not all that consistent a friend, but when he does show up, all the grey edges of my life are silver-lined.  He’s not available as a romantic interest, and even if he were, I’m not sure he’d be in a relationship with me, but I accept his presence as a much-needed oasis now.

There is more I can do, more I will do, more I am doing.  I have always persevered.  Even if so much energy was wasted railing about my circumstances, I continued to move forward.  I appreciate the Chinese proverb: ‘Be not afraid of growing slowly; be only afraid of standing still,’ but I’ve mostly liked it because it also contains the truism that it’s much harder to hit a moving target…

My sister and I went skating today, and we were also going to ski at that park later because they have a cable tow, but the conditions weren’t great, so we didn’t ski.  There were several excellent skaters at the rink, and one in particular who made the movements look so easy because he was so comfortable on the ice, and in his abilities.  I envied him, but if I really want to get to his level, I’d have to practice every day.  Skating isn’t really that important to me, but other things are, so I’ll just keep practicing, and creating my best happy oasis during my dark times.

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© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Life On Earth’s Blog, 2010 – infinity.