Purposeful Life?

She reminds me of my mother, slowly lifting her leg up the step, unsteady with her cane, as I hold the door open and offer my other arm to help keep her balance.  She smiles warmly, her whole face lighting up, and thanks me for my kindness.

I’m not being kind, I’m being human, I think, but I smile back and tell her it’s my pleasure.  I’m you in several decades, I think.  Decades that will come sooner than I want, if I live that long.

She waits for her husband, a man who shuffles along with his walker, his gait slower as he pulls his unwilling body along, she, with the patience of one long used to this, keeps the door open for him after telling me not to wait.

Inside the office, she sees an acquaintance.  The woman rises to hug her and tell her how sorry she is for her loss of her brother.  The old woman hugs her tighter, thanks her, then cries, telling the younger woman that she’s the only one left now.  The younger woman tears up and kisses the older woman’s cheek, and tears well up in my eyes too.

I wish I knew something comforting to say.  ‘You’ll be reunited with your loved ones one day’, I think, but the words feel hollow and trite as I think them.

This life of sorrow weighs us down.  We’re challenged to the end, and I’m not sure there’s anything after this to make it all worthwhile.  I know the experience itself is valuable, but it’s ephemeral, unless we retain consciousness after we leave this world.

I’ve heard that life’s only meaning is what we bring to it, the kindness and care that we show others, and how much suffering we can alleviate while we’re here.  Maybe suffering is spiritual honor, but it doesn’t feel that way when you’re in it.  It just hurts.  And worse, after a life of enduring, our bodies betray us by breaking down, adding insult to injury, regardless of any wisdom gained through experience and the mere passage of time.

But there is joy, and beauty, and laughter, and pain-free living too.

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© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – infinity.

Online Concerns

An account at an online drugstore that I rarely used – and thankfully didn’t store my financial information – was hacked, and the person tried to purchase something using their name and financials, but using my email.  I got a notice from the company that I had changed my information and to contact them if it wasn’t me, so I tried to log in, but they changed my password, and I contacted the site admin immediately and they cancelled and blocked my account, but then either the same person, people, bot? tried to change my Twitter account to their name and another password using my email, and I’m not sure why?

Maybe they wanted to spam anyone who follows me?  They can try to spam anyone without gaining access to my account.  I do my best not to store any financial information online, always asking any place I purchase from to remove any sensitive information.

I signed up for a healthcare portal at my doctor’s office, and when I accessed it, it was creepy seeing all my health information displayed.  Who else is looking at that?

Being able to check my bank account, or update my healthcare information, or make purchases online is so convenient and easy, but how vulnerable are we making ourselves?

Groups like Anonymous have shown that they can hack into the most allegedly secure sites, so what chance do I stand?  I’m sure my beliefs and activism pisses off plenty of people, but I feel like I’m one of the decent folks – trying to keep our society more free, our air breathable, our water drinkable – and accessible – and our food edible and nutritious, and I don’t try to hack into accounts to make a point, or steal from them.

I don’t have a specific god, but I’m spiritual, and that alone is enough for radicals to wish me dead, or at least silenced.  They follow fear rather than love and goodwill.

I’ve noticed followers on my blog that only want to sell something, and hits from countries known for hacking, and maybe these folks, if they are people and not bots, genuinely like or enjoy what I write, and I apologize if I’m wrong, but my sense is they have no interest in my thoughts.

If anyone reading this has dealt with online attacks, and staying safe online, or just has experience to share, I’d love to hear from you!

Thank you, and I hope you all have safe and kind online presence.  Cheers.

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© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – infinity.