Slanted Life

I learned to lie when I was young.  One of the first lies I was taught, was if a teacher, or anyone, asked, my bruise was from falling.  Next, my older sisters taught me to steal candy from the store, and I remember my next oldest sister’s vicious pleasure while saying that if I told on them, they would tell on me. Thieving was power – the first I ever had – and feeling powerful was addictive.  I was good at it, being a cute little kid that no one would suspect of criminality.  I didn’t feel the shame then that I do now.

I understood that it was a dog eat dog world at six years old, and I knew which dog I wanted to be.

Thankfully, I also grew to be a kinder, more thoughtful, and aware of consequences, person, and I ended my nefarious ways – mostly…

I’ve hurt people I never wanted to hurt.  Please accept my apology.  Accept my apology for those who’ve hurt you and never copped to it.

There is a quote about how everything that happens is necessary for ‘your soul’s progression’, and I think that’s such total bullshit.  What the hell does that person know?  They just found another excuse to justify awful things happening.  That quote certainly didn’t surface about welcome events.

Humanity is responsible for close to 90% of the hell in this world.  Nature, or the cosmos, or the universe, or just crappy luck, is responsible for 5%, and our stupidity is responsible for the rest.

Life goes on regardless of anything that happens.  I remember hearing about ‘earth changes’ when I was a kid in the commune/cult, and find it sadly funny about how none of it came to pass.  We’ve been killing our planet since the industrial age, and fossil fuels, atomic energy, commercial farming, genetic modification, etc., will eventually do us in if we don’t change how we get and use energy, and where and how we get our food, but life will go on – even if it’s without humanity.

There are people and organizations addressing these issues, and they are changing life, but it might be too little too late.  Then again, we love a good David & Goliath story – where the little guy prevails against all odds over the big guy – and it’s that hope that keeps us going.  That, and ignorance.

My little life pales in comparison to these major problems, but my area of immediate concern is who I am, where I’m going, and what I want as my legacy.  Of those who will remember me, I’d like happy remembrance.  I want my eulogy to be sincere, and not merely out of respect for the dead…

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© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current

Author: Hermionejh

Laughter is my drug.

4 thoughts on “Slanted Life”

  1. Jerri,

    Seems like you’ve reached a mountain top where you can see far and with clarity. Honest, strong, loving. This planet needs you – and many more like you.

    Phil

  2. Whoa…..this post blew me away. This is so honest, straight from the heart, exactly as it is, I am not sure that I would have the courage to publish something like this and let total strangers read and weight in on it. Kudos to you!!!!

    Knowing what I know of you, through your writings, I would say that you are part of the other 10% that is still right with humanity. You think & feel deeply and while I do agree with you on the quote “about how everything that happens is necessary for ‘your soul’s progression’” being used as a way to excuse the fucked up things in this life. May I also say that maybe we are who we are now, because of where we have been? If you haven’t seen darkness, how do you know what’s it like to live in the light? (not in the religious/spiritual sense but more like an enlightenment sense).

    Did any of that make any sense or did I just ramble? 🙂

    1. lol, Arman, yes that made total sense, and thank you, as always, for reading & hearing. I keep trying to remember that I’m one of the lights, however dim, it’s better than nothing but darkness, right?!
      As we both know, it’s tough to keep on keepin’ on sometimes, but it’s caring others that help when I lose my breath, my hope, or my courage. Much love to you. 🙂 ❤

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