I practically needed a crowbar to get myself out of bed this morning.
Way over-doing brush cutting and hauling scraps out to a pile at my mother’s place left me with contracting pain down my right arm, making it impossible to sleep, so I took a muscle relaxer, which; while it helped, also relaxed everything – and I still feel like my head weighs a ton.
We’re at another end of October, the summer’s retreat depressing, but autumn’s offerings somewhat eases the transition. The turning leaves have been spectacular, and it’s been lovely to witness.
Our local Pumpkinfest took place this past Saturday, October 24th. One of my girlfriends invited two of us to sing back-ups with her for, Curly Fingers DuPree, a great local band, so we debuted as the ‘Curly Q’s’. It was so much fun, and as with most shows or events I’ve been involved in, there’s the anti-climax feeling when it’s over – like, ‘that’s it?’ Heavy sigh.
I broke up with the best guy I’ve ever dated, and I started listening to suicide’s siren call again. If I go that route, I know I’ll cause irreparable harm to my son, my S.O., and many friends and family.
I actually opened my virtual ‘coping toolbox’, and found a reason to hang on another day. I’m doing what I can to stay positive as the darkness and cold increases. I’m using all the attitude adjusters I know to not slip down.
Sometimes keeping that guttering candle of hope burning is as easy as lighting a new candle with the old flame, but other times a bonfire is needed, and as many others before me have said, it’s better to have a full ‘coping toolbox’ when times are easier than trying to fill it when I’m desperate, and not in my right, or wise, mind.
I am where I am, and much like the late, great, Yogi Berra, said: “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.”
Oh, and my S. O. told me he’ll only break-up when I’m not depressed, then he’ll know it’s real and not from ‘the dark side’. Amazing man, that one. He is either an idiot, or he sees what I can’t.
© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current