It’s snow-sleeting as I write this. Winter has come to Western MA at last, but I take comfort in how long it took for the low temperatures and bad weather to get here.
My family had our Christmas gathering this past Sunday and it was an ‘off’ year. I have laryngitis so that curtailed the Christmas carols I had hoped to sing, but more than that, there wasn’t a sense of togetherness or connection. It basically sucked.
I’ve tried so long to recapture the friendship I had with my next oldest sister, but she’s as determined to keep her distance.
I’m exuberant by nature, and by design – it’s my personal lit candle in my darkness – and it has served me well socially. It’s not fake, I actually feel excited to be with family and friends in conviviality and joy.
I understand that sometimes life sucks, and sucks hard. I get that. I live that more often than I’d like – which is why I cherish the time spent with others in good cheer – especially those who know me best, who understand where I came from, and can benefit from kindness and love.
Maybe I can let others take me out of myself, and my sister isn’t good at that, or she feels like it’s pretending, but I’ve grown tired of trying to be friends.
As a friend’s bumper sticker reads: “Life’s too short to drink bad wine.”
© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current