Fleeting

Another aunt, my Godmother, Aunt Francis, died on May 22nd. I called that morning to see if I could bring my mother for a visit that weekend, and her daughter told me she had just passed away.

I knew my aunts dying would be tough. I thought it would feel unbearable. I didn’t expect emotional silence.

Am I inured to death now? It’s where we’re all going, so I guess it’s the age-old question of why we’re even here.

Those of us who’ve rejected religion’s narrative determine our own meaning of life, and decide our ethics and morality through consequence.

I try not to hurt others because I know what it’s like to be hurt. I appreciate love, goodness, helpfulness, compassion, decency, respect, and a live-and-let-live approach as long as they’re not harming me or someone else – without their permission.

I see what hate, unkindness, disrespect, and unethical behavior bring, and do what I can to act from my best self.

Maybe Aunt Fran retains some consciousness, some sentience, outside of her body – and if so, I hope she’s with family who went before her.

Maybe it’s all a computer simulation as Elon Musk, and others, believe.

I know that life hurts – a lot. I also know there’s joy, gladness, goodness, etc., but the continued suck-ass elements of life overshadow life’s ease.

I’m sad about my Aunt Fran’s passing. I love her. I enjoyed her energy, her personality, her presence. I’m grateful she lived. She really lived – she didn’t merely exist. She was beautiful, humorful, and created beauty, order, and children, whom she got grandchildren from. She had many friends, and belonged to a community who mourn her passing.

You’d think I’d be used to a world where loss is as great as gain, if not greater, but it’s still wounding.

I used to think humans were unique that way, but we’re not. Apes, elephants, dolphins, whales, and many other species also grieve, and care about their communities.

We’re just along for the ride, however long it lasts, and I suppose it’s up to us to make it a worthy journey.

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© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current

Author: Hermionejh

Laughter is my drug.

6 thoughts on “Fleeting”

  1. You are not inured. No one who feels and thinks deeply becomes inured to death. I think you have just reached a stage where you are more accepting of it as something that happens quite inevitably. Sometimes I surprise myself with how little I feel and I worry that I am becoming insensitive, in other days I feel too much and I worry that I am overwhelming myself and others who love me. Its a constant balancing act.

    You wrote a lovely tribute to your aunt Fran. Even without the pictures, I imagined her as someone who’s always smiling and would just look “kind” and she does 🙂 Her legacy will live on in her progeny and you 🙂

    1. Thank you, Arman, and so nice to hear from you. ❤
      My writing and commenting has been so sporadic, I apologize, but I'm so grateful for our connection and your thoughts.
      I couldn't have imagined what I'd feel like, or what life would be like, or that I'd still be alive here in my fifties now, but here I am, and life is continuing. I'm glad – even if sometimes sad – and even if sometimes life seems unbearable, that I'm still here to get to see how it's all turning out.
      Peace, love, and all wonderful things your way. xoxo 🙂
      Jerri

  2. I, too, loved Aunt Fran for all the same qualities you did – she was love personified. She always made me feel special, even though I was a fat, unpretty, poorly dressed adolescent. Unfortunately I was not able to get to her wake or funeral due to health issues here with both me and my husband. I really missed the chance to say goodbye.

    1. Hi Mary-Louise, I’m sorry to hear of health issues – getting older sucks-ass, for sure, but I’m glad you’re in the world. Aunt Fran was my god-mother, and I often wished she had exercised that right! lol
      I hope to see you in August if you’re able to make it. Hello to Willy & hope you’re both healing, hanging in there, and as glad as can be! xoxo Jerri

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