Somebody That I Used To Know

A young woman was hit by a vehicle and died on the local highway a few nights ago. I knew her, but last saw her about a decade ago.

She was a feisty, smart girl who I met through an after-school program for those with low-incomes, and many came from abusive families.

She was no exception and an ex-friend of mine took her in as a foster child to help her escape from physical and sexual abuse.

She was 8, and her abuse began earlier.

The husband of my ex-friend began abusing her within a few months of her getting refuge at their house and is something I will never forgive.

I’m no longer friends with his wife because she chose him over the girl – effectively letting her know that she didn’t matter, and what happened to her was sad, but not enough to leave the abusive asshole.

I don’t know why that girl/young woman got out of the car she was traveling in on the highway and go into the travel lane trying to flag down a vehicle.

Was she high? Was she in a fight with the driver?

What I do know is that she was a trauma survivor with high-risk behavior. I understand the pattern too well.

I can be glad for her that it’s over. She doesn’t have to be here anymore – her life a string of suffering and self-loathing, because it was already clear she wasn’t ‘pulling herself up by those (non-existent) boot straps’. Those meant to protect her failed, and those she met who said they wanted to help her only endangered her further.

I am sorry, Nyka. I’m sorry you didn’t get what you needed. I hope you’re in peace if there’s an afterlife.

*

*

*

© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current

 

Dark Times

Two friends have died in the last month.  Two people who were making the most of their lives, really enjoying all the moments they could, living with gusto and positivity.

They both left behind teen-aged children, significant others, and a wealth of friends.

I sat at one friend’s memorial while dozens recounted how kind, generous, fun, and mischievous he was, and what a loss it was to not have his presence here anymore.

It’s not about what comes after this.  There is nothing we can do about what’s beyond here, if anything, except to live to the best of our capacity, and believe that if there is a creator, we are accepted.

I will soon attend the services for my other friend, more like family, really, and that is a shock not yet sunk in for he passed away last night.

Being in top health doesn’t guarantee a longer life – but it sure makes being here easier. Health adds to our ability to tend to each other and to tend to the world.  Being our best helps, but being a light regardless of anything else going on matters the most.

The stories of how much people’s lives were touched by just one being is astounding to witness.

Who will eulogize me, and what will they say?  Who will be around to witness my passing, to send me off – if anything exists beyond here – with a brighter soul than I had before I left?

I hope stories shared will create laughter and joy.  I hope I have been kind enough to warrant a group of disparate individuals coming together to celebrate that I was here, and that I mattered.

Steve – you were fun, hilarious, kind, increased my joy immensely, and I’m sad to no longer have an ’80’s karaoke pal, and you are greatly missed by your family, and the wealth of friends and acquaintances left behind who honor your memory.

Dave – you also were fun, funny, kind, a wonderful athlete with a zest for life, and your presence will be dearly missed, especially by your wife and children, your extended family, and the hundreds of friends who’ve already been attesting to your influence, and meaning to them, and to all of us.

If we continue in any sentient form, I hope you are both at peace, surrounded by love, and by those gone before you, but you will long be remembered and celebrated here, and I’m glad I knew you.

Death is tough whenever it comes, for those remaining, but it’s especially tough around the holidays, when it seems that anything but good cheer is out-of-place.  It’s also hard to lose friends and family in winter when the bleak land and low light deepens our darkness.

We will love and comfort each other, and remember their best with as joyful a heart as we can muster.

Peace be with you.

*

*

*

© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current