Somebody That I Used To Know

A young woman was hit by a vehicle and died on the local highway a few nights ago. I knew her, but last saw her about a decade ago.

She was a feisty, smart girl who I met through an after-school program for those with low-incomes, and many came from abusive families.

She was no exception and an ex-friend of mine took her in as a foster child to help her escape from physical and sexual abuse.

She was 8, and her abuse began earlier.

The husband of my ex-friend began abusing her within a few months of her getting refuge at their house and is something I will never forgive.

I’m no longer friends with his wife because she chose him over the girl – effectively letting her know that she didn’t matter, and what happened to her was sad, but not enough to leave the abusive asshole.

I don’t know why that girl/young woman got out of the car she was traveling in on the highway and go into the travel lane trying to flag down a vehicle.

Was she high? Was she in a fight with the driver?

What I do know is that she was a trauma survivor with high-risk behavior. I understand the pattern too well.

I can be glad for her that it’s over. She doesn’t have to be here anymore – her life a string of suffering and self-loathing, because it was already clear she wasn’t ‘pulling herself up by those (non-existent) boot straps’. Those meant to protect her failed, and those she met who said they wanted to help her only endangered her further.

I am sorry, Nyka. I’m sorry you didn’t get what you needed. I hope you’re in peace if there’s an afterlife.

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© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current

 

Living Nightmare

So, the goodness I thought would reign didn’t manifest, and the people chose darkness.

They chose hate, fear, misogyny, and it’s the first time a known sexual predator was elected to the highest office in America.

We are lower than we’ve been since John F Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, and Martin Luther King, Jr’s assassinations.

Healthcare – such as it is – will be repealed, and people won’t be covered for pre-existing conditions.  Women’s rights – even the right to vote – risk decimation.

Supreme Court justices who are anything but just will be installed, and America will not get over this ruination.

President Obama barely got us out of the hell President George W. Bush got us all into, but at least we were making progress.

The bully elect will knock down and crush the building blocks so painstakingly erected over these last 8 years of a do-nothing Congress, that America also saw fit to continue.

I am bereft, bewildered, and sad for my fellow Americans, especially us women, and for the children who will wonder why we did this to them.

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© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current

 

Consequences

My task is learning to deal with negative reactions. A while ago I heard ‘Mean Tweets’ on the Jimmy Kimmel show, and the horrible things people say about and to celebrities, and how those celebrities deal with that. Mostly they made fun of it, and humor is a great way to diffuse that kind of derision. Writing or speaking publicly about my life experience, and negative fall-out, is best handled by ignoring those comments, but if I want a dialogue, I need to respond, and be thoughtful about how I do that.

I have differences of opinion all the time, and do my best to be respectful, and kind – even if I feel the opposite at the time. I’ve had shared experiences with family and with friends, and we didn’t incorporate events the same way, but trying to invalidate my position with ad hominems or other aspersions only shows their lack of credibility.

Being liked and well-regarded matters to me, but speaking my truth is more important. Accepting the consequences is hard, but I’m not shutting up. They are as free to not read or listen to me, as I am to disregard their opinions.

In the 1980’s, when child sexual abuse was nationally disclosed by Oprah Winfrey, I’m sure she had backlash from family and from strangers. Then ‘false memory syndrome’ was coined by some asinine psychologist, and then applied to anyone who disclosed childhood abuse as an adult.

Sometimes traumatic events get blocked because your psyche cannot cope, and because all energy must go somewhere, that trauma ‘leaked’ or manifested in other ways, be it mental illness, or self-harming behavior. I think most people compartmentalize their trauma and get on with their lives, but triggering events happen eventually, or something brings it front & center, like a major illness, or mental break-down, forcing them to work through it, or face sometimes dire repercussions.

My goal is contentment, and serenity, and working through my issues is the only way I know to get there, regardless of how messy that might be, and if my words help anyone in similar circumstances, then it’s worth not shutting up.

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© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current