Another aunt, my Godmother, Aunt Francis, died on May 22nd. I called that morning to see if I could bring my mother for a visit that weekend, and her daughter told me she had just passed away.
I knew my aunts dying would be tough. I thought it would feel unbearable. I didn’t expect emotional silence.
Am I inured to death now? It’s where we’re all going, so I guess it’s the age-old question of why we’re even here.
Those of us who’ve rejected religion’s narrative determine our own meaning of life, and decide our ethics and morality through consequence.
I try not to hurt others because I know what it’s like to be hurt. I appreciate love, goodness, helpfulness, compassion, decency, respect, and a live-and-let-live approach as long as they’re not harming me or someone else – without their permission.
I see what hate, unkindness, disrespect, and unethical behavior bring, and do what I can to act from my best self.
Maybe Aunt Fran retains some consciousness, some sentience, outside of her body – and if so, I hope she’s with family who went before her.
Maybe it’s all a computer simulation as Elon Musk, and others, believe.
I know that life hurts – a lot. I also know there’s joy, gladness, goodness, etc., but the continued suck-ass elements of life overshadow life’s ease.
I’m sad about my Aunt Fran’s passing. I love her. I enjoyed her energy, her personality, her presence. I’m grateful she lived. She really lived – she didn’t merely exist. She was beautiful, humorful, and created beauty, order, and children, whom she got grandchildren from. She had many friends, and belonged to a community who mourn her passing.
You’d think I’d be used to a world where loss is as great as gain, if not greater, but it’s still wounding.
I used to think humans were unique that way, but we’re not. Apes, elephants, dolphins, whales, and many other species also grieve, and care about their communities.
We’re just along for the ride, however long it lasts, and I suppose it’s up to us to make it a worthy journey.
© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current