I learned to lie when I was young. One of the first lies I was taught, was if a teacher, or anyone, asked, my bruise was from falling. Next, my older sisters taught me to steal candy from the store, and I remember my next oldest sister’s vicious pleasure while saying that if I told on them, they would tell on me. Thieving was power – the first I ever had – and feeling powerful was addictive. I was good at it, being a cute little kid that no one would suspect of criminality. I didn’t feel the shame then that I do now.
I understood that it was a dog eat dog world at six years old, and I knew which dog I wanted to be.
Thankfully, I also grew to be a kinder, more thoughtful, and aware of consequences, person, and I ended my nefarious ways – mostly…
I’ve hurt people I never wanted to hurt. Please accept my apology. Accept my apology for those who’ve hurt you and never copped to it.
There is a quote about how everything that happens is necessary for ‘your soul’s progression’, and I think that’s such total bullshit. What the hell does that person know? They just found another excuse to justify awful things happening. That quote certainly didn’t surface about welcome events.
Humanity is responsible for close to 90% of the hell in this world. Nature, or the cosmos, or the universe, or just crappy luck, is responsible for 5%, and our stupidity is responsible for the rest.
Life goes on regardless of anything that happens. I remember hearing about ‘earth changes’ when I was a kid in the commune/cult, and find it sadly funny about how none of it came to pass. We’ve been killing our planet since the industrial age, and fossil fuels, atomic energy, commercial farming, genetic modification, etc., will eventually do us in if we don’t change how we get and use energy, and where and how we get our food, but life will go on – even if it’s without humanity.
There are people and organizations addressing these issues, and they are changing life, but it might be too little too late. Then again, we love a good David & Goliath story – where the little guy prevails against all odds over the big guy – and it’s that hope that keeps us going. That, and ignorance.
My little life pales in comparison to these major problems, but my area of immediate concern is who I am, where I’m going, and what I want as my legacy. Of those who will remember me, I’d like happy remembrance. I want my eulogy to be sincere, and not merely out of respect for the dead…
© seekingsearchingmeaning (aka Hermionejh) and Abstractly Distracted’s Blog, 2010 – current