I’ve been keeping it together – sort of. i’m doing tasks intermittently which boosts my dopamine or serotonin or whatever, I’m sure, and I fast-walk 3 mikes almost daily – even though I was consistent for a long time.

I cook good food. I belong to a farm share although most of the people there are semi unfriendly and harried with their own lives so the sense of community I hoped for never materialized. I try though. I am friendly and try to chat with folks. I had a nice interaction during the pick-your-own raspberries I did last week, but I’ve been 15 minutes from leaving the planet all year.

I’ll be consistent with something for a few days and then that goes away and there are tons of demands on my time and I don’t get to what’s important. All of it needs doing.

I’m like Virginia Wolfe who asked for a room of her own to do her work – and something like 20 pence a day. She left the planet earlier than her natural time – but maybe that was her natural time.

I’ve lost most of my enthusiasm for living. It’s either a simulation, or a Universe run by a shitty capricious ‘god’ who seems to favor child rapists because they always get a slap on the wrist while the mostly women they rape are supposed to forgive them or have compassion for them. So who has compassion for those women & children harmed for their lifetimes every 20 seconds? I suppose I could start hanging out on rooftops, but I would rather leave & let the assholes kill each other off & avoid the tech bros ending humanity with their AI monsters. Musk thinks empathy is a disease and no one rebuts his asinine and horrific comments.

My best friends & family are mostly dead from dread diseases & that’s life. Their shit was all left undone. They’re free though. No body – no concerns.

Does it matter if I wait another 15?